Separated at Birth
Friday, October 26, 2007
That’s right boys and girls, it’s another episode of Separated at Birth! Where both your favorite and not so favorite athletes are reunited with their long lost siblings. Today’s modern technology and a plethora of free time have made these happy reunions possible.
It’s a beautiful thing.
Ricky Davis – Ludacris
We’ll start with newly acquired Heat Guard Ricky Davis, who was separated from early 2000’s Ludacris.
Randy Moss – Dilophosaurus
I have no idea what Randy’s new TD celebration means, but we’ve certainly had many an opportunity to watch it. It reminds me of the Dilophosaurus from Jurassic Park. I hope Newman isn’t driving around New England during a bad storm.
Vince Young – Brian McKnight
“Does the Madden Curse ever cross your mind?…Anytime…”
“Did you know the Curse is comin’ aaafter meeee?…”
Love that song!
Cleo Lemon – Miss Cleo/A Lemon/Rod Tidwell
“Show me the money and call me now for your free zesty interception!”
Cam Cameron – Homer
Dolphins select Ted Ginn Jr… – “D’oh!”
Dolphins release Daunte Culpepper – “D’oh!”
Dolphins trade Wes Welker – “D’oh!”
Dolphins sign Joey Porter – “D’oh!”
Dolphins aquire Trent Green – “D’oh!”
Dolphins are 0-7 – “D’OH!”
Sunday, August 12, 2007
Today’s Separated at Birth is dedicated to South Florida sports. The Miami area is known for its celebrity sightings, but you don’t have to take a stroll down Ocean Drive to catch some of these well known faces. TheBigOz has got ya covered.
Dave Wannstedt – Luigi Mario
Long live the ’stach!
Nick Saban – Dr. Alan Grant
While we’re on ex-Dolphins head coaches, here’s this gem, a personal favorite. Not unlike how Dr. Grant swore he’d never go back to Jurassic Park, Dr. Nick swore he wouldn’t be the next Alabama coach. Life mirrors art.
Samson Satele – Rikishi
If Satele, the new Dolphins center, doesn’t make it as an NFL player, he could always tag up with Rikishi and form the New Headshrinkers.
Rick Spielman – Howie Long
If you told me these two were brothers I wouldn’t bat an eyelash. Best Howie Long story: “MTV’s Paul Gargano had an interview with Judas Priest lead singer Rob Halford, and asked this question: “If you could sleep with anyone famous, who would it be?” Halford looked at Gargano with a completely straight face and said, “Howie Long.” – Wikipedia
Chris Quinn – Area 51 alien
According to Quinn’s bio, the Miami Heat’s backup point guard’s date of birth and location are “classified.” If that wasn’t weird enough, he’s been seen driving this home after Heat games.
Kevin Gregg – Rick “Wildthing” Vaughn
We were this close to having the equivalent of Vaughn and Cerrano on the Marlins at the same time. In all seriousness, Gregg has surprised the Fish this year as a serviceable closer. Let’s hope he doesn’t sell out and start messing up Right Guard commercials that has him trying to play polo. Wait, nevermind, I really hope this happens. Anything else, would be uncivilized!
Scott Olsen – Lindsey Lohan
Cut from the same cloth they are. Bonnie and Clyde could work magic together. Magic. It almost seems too right.
Friday, May 25, 2007
In the vein of Barber Shop Blues, I bring you Separated at Birth. Can’t shake that feeling that you’ve seen that star player before? You’re right, you have.
I’ll show you where:
Curt Schilling – Jack Bauer
Turn’s out 24 isn’t just how many wins Mr. Bloody Sock aspires to have every season, but I hear its a mega hit TV show as well. Wait…was his bloody sock a factor of his gritty performance in the ‘04 World Series, or was Curt Bauer simply saving the world in between innings and earned a strawberry in the process?!
Steve Nash – James Blunt
After winning his 2nd consecutive MVP award last year, Steve Blunt was inspired to write the hit song “You’re beautiful!…”
Anderson Varejao – Sideshow Bob
In between trying to murder Bart Simpson, Sideshow Varejao is busy playing for the Cleveland Cavaliers.
Carlos Delgado – Pedro Cerrano
Ever wondered what Carlos Delgado would look like if he batted right handed and played for the Indians? It’s not as far fetched as you may think, here’s Carlos in Major League. Thankfully, Jobu was apparently able to help him with those breaking pitches.
My Uncle Rey – Dennis Green
I never saw my Uncle Rey on Sunday’s…until I got the NFL Sunday Ticket. He WAS who I THOUGHT he was! And I let him off the hook!
Sergio Mitre – Captain Jack Sparrow
Throw a puffy shirt on him and show him to the Black Pearl. Avast, ye matey!
John Kruk – Jabba the Hut
Bring me Han Solo!….and a sandwich…next, on Baseball Tonight!
John Gruden – Chucky
This one was beat to death during the Bucs SuperBowl run a couple of years ago, but I couldn’t resist. Next on TBS, Child’s Play XLI: The Draft…right after Everybody loves Raymond!
Andre Kirilenko – Ivan Drago
When asked about Tim Duncan recently during a post game interview, AK-47 chillingly responded “I must break him…If he dies, he dies.” Unfortunately after Game 1 of the 2007 West Finals, he declared “He’s not human…he’s a machine!” Indeed.
And finally,
Sam Cassell – Gollum
The precioussss…it haunts us….until we play for the early ’90’s Rocketsssss….
Forgot someone…or someone’s? Email it over, you just might see the twins on a future Separated at Birth.
